Friday, January 22, 2010

By 

James W. Stone

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Many of us give up on our New Year's resolutions somewhere between January 2 and the middle of March. After all, how seriously should we take this annual game we play with ourselves?

If you've already broken one or more of the resolutions you made for 2010, I'm pretty sure your promise to change wasn't based on the four features described in this article. Why not look at what you said you were going to do and try again? Just because you broke a resolution isn't an excuse to forget about it and live like it was last year. There's still a lot of this year left for good behavior.

And that, my friend, is the purpose for writing this article. I want you to know how to make a resolution you can keep. Why not review your resolutions and see if they have these four features?

First, define the resolution in ways that can be measured. If you say you are going to become more active in a local charity, identify some steps that can be used as measures of your success. Maybe you want to attend at least nine of their monthly meetings during the next year. Or, maybe you want to volunteer 4 hours each week working on their activities. Notice, there are measurable steps being described here.

If you are going to lose weight, state how much you intend to lose and by what date. If you want to stop eating out as much as you do, you should define how much you eat out now, and how much you plan to eat out in the future.

The description of what is supposed to change, by how much, and when are the main things to include as you state your resolution. This first feature of a good resolution takes away "wiggle room" because it identifies very specific details you need to live up to.

Second, be realistic about the goal. You can't expect to lose sixty pounds in the next month, and you can't expect to get out of debt by winning the lottery. Yes, both of those things have happened to people in special situations. But you can't realistically "expect" that they will happen to you. If you fail because your goal is not realistic, you might get discouraged for the wrong reasons.

Third, make sure the resolution is something that "you" will be required to do. You can't make a resolution to get your sister to stop smoking. The resolution is to make a change in something you control.

And, Fourth, tell people about your resolution. You're going to want all the help you can get. And most of that help will come from your family, friends, and co-workers.

This fourth feature of a good resolution works in many ways. Not only are you asking others to help you, you know they will shame you when you fail. You can expect your friends to constantly remind you of your resolution. They may tease you with tempting opportunities to break your resolution, or they may offer you ways to avoid breaking your resolution. All of these things give you reasons to stay the course and keep your resolution strong — whether to please them or to spite them.

Two of the most common resolutions are about losing weight or spending less money. Ask yourself why you eat as much as you do, or why you spend as much as you do. There is no easy answer. Each of us has our own reasons. Generally, both of these areas are driven by our desire to be happy — right now!

It's not enough to tell ourselves that eating that buttery cinnamon roll will make us fat when we know it tastes so good. And it's not enough to tell ourselves we can't afford something if we know we won't have to deal with actually paying for something until the credit card statement arrives in the mail. Once you explain how you want to change your behavior to your friends, they will be there to remind you, whether they do it in good ways or bad ways.

Good-natured teasing is a way of applying peer-pressure to increase the fear of instant guilt from failure. If you're serious about wanting to change, using peer-pressure in this way can make the difference between success and failure for your resolution.

Resolving to change something about your behavior as a way to bring in the new year is more than a game. But unless you clearly identify a realistic goal you can achieve with measurable milestones along the way, you're not giving the process a chance for success. If you've already given up on one of your goals for 2010, make a new resolution to take its place. Use the techniques mentioned in this article. You've still got the rest of this year to make it work. And, if your successful, that will be one thing you won't have to put on next year's list.

James W. Stone
(follow me at http://twitter.com/theJamesWStone)
Copyright 2010, James W. Stone, all rights reserved worldwide